Awake.

I awake at 7:15 to the sound of a chainsaw ripping its way through the innocent tree out my window. What kind of hotel hires a man to do that at this ungodly hour? Oh. The Economy Inn in Dresden, TN. Right. This is what you get for $50 a night, even if you do flirt with the little man at the front desk for the AAA discount. Lying in bed for 20 minutes, I ponder if it is worth it to try to roll over and try to sleep through the bloody murder of my leafy friend, or if I should brave the freezing cold world outside my scratchy sheets and lumpy pillows. Eventually I choose the latter, to continue my fight with YouTube over uploading videos, and enjoying some microwavable oatmeal that I stole from the Days Inn two weeks ago when I was lucky enough to enjoy a continental breakfast. As my last week on tour begins, I feel as if there should be some wisdom I have attained and can now share with the bright and shiny world........ I'm sure there is, but all I can do at this point is to gaze longingly out the window at my decapitated friend and wonder just how hard I would have to hit the asshole with the chainsaw to get him to shut up.

Counting down

7 days until home

5 days until Chicago

5 days of shows

3 days till John

17 more shows

8 more schools

2 more hotels

wow.

Is Your Cat Trying to Kill You?

http://www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php

Nashville Gone Wild

I have now tried about 5 times to write a witty opening to this entry, setting up the events of last night, and I don't seem to be able to. I blame the cheap ass shitty canned beer I was drinking last night, but hey, it was free so I didn't complain at the time. 

Nashville is quite beautiful, along the river front (the Tennessee River I believe) you could not go 10 feet without running into a street musician with a guitar, fiddle, or some variation of the two. Live music everywhere you turn. While Beale Street was home of the blues, country and bluegrass were everywhere. Walking down the streets line with bars, music streaming out of everyone, it was clear that this was geared primarily for tourists, rather than locals. I purchased a $2.50 can of PBR, and settled in at Layla's Country and Bluegrass Inn. The band was rockin' and the lead singer looked like a cross between Axel Rose, the lead singer form Korn and Jerry Lee Lewis circa 1966. He put on a hell of a show, hanging from the ceiling, playing the keyboard blindfolded, and generally behaving like he was on a whole lot of uppers. 

Moving down the street, most other clubs seemed to require a cover, so we moved on to a place called Printer's Ally, which was literally a tiny little alley that consisted of a guitar bar, a karaoke bar, a hotdog stand, a "haunted" room where some guy was stabbed to death back in the 20's, and a strip club that boasted naked karaoke. Big sign out front said NUDE KARAOKE. We chose the guitar bar, beer and shots were consumed, and enjoyed the band who specialized in Journey, Air Supply, and REO Speedwagon. I continued to be intrigued by the idea of naked karaoke, did not have any trouble getting Nick and Steve to consider heading over in that direction. Ladies got in free, but the boys shelled out $15. No liquor was served, but we were able to purchase canned Bud Light in the alley, and bring it inside. Once seated we discovered that the karaoke did not actually begin until the after hours party, which was at 3am. And after hours, there was no more nakedness. At first I felt very let down, but then the leggy blond on stage threw off her g-string and broke out into Mariah Carey's  "Always Be My Baby". 

From that point on we continued to make friends with many of the girls, heard some crazy stories about "the biz", even hit the stage for karaoke at 3am, politely declining the bouncers request to take off my shirt. And all other details I will leave for another time. Some things have to be told in person to have full effect.

This trip will without a doubt leave me with enough stories to ALWAYS win Never Have I Ever.

And that makes all the difference.

VIDEO BLOG!!

No one every said 3rd grade was easy.

Chatting with some 3rd graders after the show:

Me: What happened to you? Why are you on crutches?

Kid: Broke my foot.

Me:How?

Kid: Fell off the see-saw.

Kid 2: I broke my arm riding a dirt bike.

Kid 3: I fell on a see-saw too but I didn't break my arm.

Kid 4: I Broke my leg last year.

Me: How did you do do that?

Kid 4: I jumped off the top of my closet. I landed wrong.

Me: .......... ah.

Girl: I have a brain tumor

Me: (shocked silence)

Kid 3: I have a blood blister. (shows me)

Me: Nice.

update

Because of this fast moving stomach flu in the schools, the district has shut all schools to disinfect all classrooms and buses. NO SHOWS TOMORROW AFTERNOON! YAY!

And that memorable sign is now gone, replaced with a ReMax ad.

Ahhhhh progress.

Yes we can thank Cody Gildone for sunglasses and the next 13 days

As I stroll down the TVA dam in Savannah, Tennessee, I reflect back on the last 48 hours.

There remains a certain sadness in me that I was not able to spend Tuesday night back home at what I am certain was a wonderful explosion of celebration

 and joy, but this is clearly not the important issue. Though I was in a ruby red state watching the results pour in, it was impossible to deny the electricity in the air as this amazing man was elected to the presidency. Watching CNN, Fox news, MSNBC, it did not matter where the information was coming from. I continue to be overwhelmed by the notion that I am am alive to see this. Never in my 25 years have I been so proud of my country. Not that I am not patriotic, but that message of Hope speaks to me on a very emotional level. As every newscaster broke the news, it was impossible to contain myself, I alternated between laughter, tears, and jumping around in joy. There are not many days that I know I will remember

 for the rest of my life, but this is one that I know I will. Even now, 2 days later, just catching a glimpse of the paper, or seeing an interview on the View, I tear up, (was not planning on sharing that). 

Of course there are those around me who so clearly did not feel this way. I had dinner on Tuesday at the bar at Ruby Tuesday, and somehow found myself surrounded by Obama supporters, even in South Haven MS. We had some good conversations, but I chose to see the final hours in my hotel room, giving me more room to jump around. Next morning, I had an interesting discussion with the front desk attendant at the hotel, who asked me if I was happy with the outcome, clearly not feeling that was herself. But she did offer her opinion that though he did not receive her vote, she had hopes that he could turn our country around. Morning talk radio over here has been pretty brutal, but I have not really paid attention. No need. 

But it was hard to ignore

the sign I passed yesterday, which I have posted here. All this no longer bothers me though, because at long last HOPE IS EVERYWHERE. There has been a shift.....

(But c'mon California! You're my home state, and I love ya, I really do, but passing Measure 8?? WTF?)

This town stinks. Literally. I think there must be a paper mill close by because it smells like Albany, OR. I know a few of you know what I am talking about. Yuck. Or it could just be the smell of sickness. Walking into the school this 

morning to find out that 30+ kids were home sick with the stomach flu, and about 7 teachers as well. Half the remaining teachers were wearing latex gloves, and were armed with a can of Lysol, because I am sure half of the kids who were there, were sick as well, just not yet sick enough to stay home. Of course, stupid me, I picked the volunteer who ended up being super sick already. Gross. I bathed myself in Purell as soon as I got in the car. Any thoughts I may have been having recently about possibly going into elementary education were squashed right there, and now I have the pleasure of going to another school this afternoon that started this epidemic. Awesome. But all sickness, and bratty kids aside, I keep thinking about Cody Gildone. Cody Gildone was a local actress in Sacramento, CA who I saw

 in multiple shows like Into the Woods, Carnival, and Guys and Dolls, and I think that she was a huge factor in my ambition to be an actor. I remember looking up to her, wanting to write to her, and finally meeting her when I auditioned to be in a production on Fiddler on the Roof. She gave me a few words of advice and I was totally star struck, and

 have never forgotten the impact she had on me. Now, I can see the impact I am having on some of these kids, the girls in particular, and it is quite moving. As much as I may bitch and moan about the challenges that go along with this job, it gives me a sense of pride to know that I have inspired even a few. This is a part of the perspective that I was seeking so fervently this summer. And hey, it only took 6 weeks in the deep south .

I have officially lost my FOURTH pair of sunglasses. I give up. I will not buy another pair. This is absurd. Although I can be thankful that is all I have lost so far. All chargers accounted for, same with clothing, jewelry, books, and all my future Christmas presents. Yes, I have started making my Christmas presents already, out of sheer boredom. Let me tell you, I get some strange looks doing something "artsy" in some of these towns. Hilarious.

I think I'm headed to Nashville this weekend, hoping to hear some great music, drink some tasty beverages, ideally beer.

And I think that is the only other thing in Tennessee that I wanted to see. There was the option of going to egg the RT headquarters, but I let that slide. Too much work.

I have been having the STRANGEST dreams lately. I woke up no less than 3 times last night after having some very upsetting dreams. one about Obama, one about lesbians, and I think one about my dad. I am fairly sure they were unrelated.

John will be here in less than 2 weeks, I am very very excited. We've been apart now almost as long as we've been together. Lame. We'll be able to go down to Beale Street for a night, then I'll drag him around the last two days of shows before we head to Chicago for a couple days. I'm hoping to get into a Second City show while we're there before heading back in time for Quickies which I can't wait to see. All the shows will be great I know, but to see my Dad on stage again will be so exciting.... :) Now to get Mom to audition for a FSP show this spring.... (plotting quietly. well, not so quietly since she will read this eventually. hi mom.)

 

I was wearing my Michigan State sweatshirt this morning at breakfast and some guy asked me if Michigan was in the US. I really hope he was joking. But you really never know around here.

In other news, my dear Fiyero has found a wonderful new home, and if very happy to have a friend to keep him company. (Thank you Chris, you are an angel!) This was an incredibly difficult thing for me to do, but I know that it was the best thing to do for him, and that is really what is important. Also, I may have found a room mate for Jan-June. My cousin Rachel is looking for a 6 month vacation from LA, and is thinking of coming out here to see what the theatre scene is all about in the "real world". This would be so perfect, so fingers crossed that it works out.

Ok. I am all blogged out.

(video blog pending. my connection is not fast enough here to load anything.)

Day 34: Halloween, How I Met Your Mother, and My Life as a Convict

I have heard many of your stories about how ya'll spent your Halloween, and they have ranged from a Big Lebowski party, taking drunk girls home, passing around bottles of Jag, house parties with friends and bar hopping through uptown. But I can guarantee that my experience here in Tupelo Mississippi is completely different. I have been asked several times if I enjoyed myself, had fun, etc, etc, and I still struggle with my answer. Allow me to present the evidence.

Not wanting to be stuck in a hotel room, drinking beer and watching cable, while the rest of the fun loving world is out getting crazy on Halloween, I purchased a Wal Mart costume (yes, I am a but ashamed) and dragged Steve out to the nearest bar I could find which boasted a costume party, and rock and roll music. Arriving at Fusion 205, making our way past the linen napkins and wine glasses in the dining room, we found the patio outside, which was decked out in Jag gear, orange lights and your typical "scary" decorations. The guests consisted mainly of the following:

• Insane Clown Posse
• Devils
• Hookers
• St Pauli Girls
• Cops
• anything army
• Convicts (all wearing real uniforms from when they did time. Well, except for me)
• Anything goth
• Jolly Green Giant
• Fear and Loathing (super awesome BTW)
• There was one scrawny guy dressed as "the gimp" being dragged around on a chain

So. Finding a table, getting beer, waiting for the music to start, I start to get comments on my costume, " Hey that was my number when I was locked up too." AND THEY ARE TOTALLY SERIOUS. Yeah. So then the so called rock and roll music starts, and hey, it's metal. Hardcore metal. So more beers are needed, as are shots, (making friends with the bartender got me free whiskey, damn I am good.) By this point my friend Steve is quite drunk, and determined to make friends with people, but no one seems to be having it. Even when he starts just yelling after people to get their attention, at which point, I decide that I really do not want to let him piss off he wrong army dude who only has 5 teeth, but a mean right hook. So I bit the bullet and decided to use my Neil Patrick Harris card. Now, for those of you who don't watch How I Met You Mother, NPH's character plays this fun game in bars with his friend Ted. It's called, "Have you met Ted?", at which time, Ted is introduced to whichever lucky lady has been approached. So, I chose to play my personal variation, " Have ya'll met Steve?". I made my way through the entire patio, and then in through the bar introducing Steve to EVERY person I could possibly find, and in the process, I also got to meet EVERY person. After about 60 people, we met Nicki. Nicki was a very sweet very drunk girl who was trying to find someone to buy her a beer, because her boyfriend (who ended up being before mentioned "gimp", and the drummer of the band "dead set") was broke. I learned that she had only recently been released from prison in April, and was now making her living as a stripper. She decided that we were now to be best buds, and asked for my phone number and how I had such great boobs. Sigh. After attempting to use my game to get Nicky a beer, I gave up and gave her one of mine, since there seemed to be an endless supply being bought for me by Steve, a very drunk Steve. After this, there was more meeting people, more stories of prison release, and I met Dot, and adorable Jack Russel Terrier. It was at this point I realized that I had eaten next to nothing all day but cold meds. So Steve and I, after promising our 150 new friends we would be back, made a run to Wendy's, which made me realize, um, I don't want to be driving right now. The night would end with a beer run to the store, after warding off the advances of a very persistent Sergeant at the bar who wanted to have a "night cap" at his buddy Chuck's place across the street. 

Perhaps my favorite part of this crazy night, was waking up this morning and listening to all the drunken voice mails, and ready all the text messages I collected while out and about. But I must say, at what other juncture would I be able to boast of a night with 3 convicts, 2 metal band,  a stripper, and 150 new friends? Even the CC Club can't offer that, now can it.